Gun Play
I cannot help but think about gun play and how adults react. Children act out gun play naturally at some point in their development. If we call attention to it, add our (often) negative adult values and perspectives especially at school, children are more drawn to it. Children take to hiding and lying if we condemn the thoughts. They will say, “It’s not a gun, it’s a fire hose” or tattle, “Teacher, Johnny’s playing with a gun”.
We must consider that there are professions and hobbies that involve guns and our families might be in either/both categories. What does that feel like to a child and their family when we dismiss their way of life? Collectively we need to accept the fascination children have and make sure that we need to react to create a safe space for open dialog which allows children to trust us and talk to us. We need to have candid hard conversations instead of shutting children down.
On the street in Mexico, three young children were playing with Legos. They had made guns out of three pieces and were shooting us loudly as we walked by. Someone unseen said something to them as we passed by. My husband and I were able to converse about this as we walked down the road wondering what their experience was, what did the adult say, was it protective, corrective, positive, or negative?
Let’s remember to seek perspective when we might be uncomfortable!
When do you help a child?
To help or not to help?
When things get hard for children should we do something for them, solve their problem or do we encourage them to succeed at the task at hand? The answer seems simple but how/when do you draw the line? What questions do you ask?
We look at age, experience and ability. We check in to see what the emotions of the moment are. Additionally, note which educator is trying to help and is there a strong bond between the two?
And what about family? How do we consider their perspective? What does the family want? What are their values? Am I placing my values over theirs? Is that respectful? Perhaps I’m not thinking of their needs to keep a child the way they are which may be perfectly OK with them and contradicts my feelings. And what about other teachers? One teacher says, “I’m always torn between wanting to be present and encouraging and not wanting to be like a helicopter and just doing everything for them!!”
We are so keen to observe progress and independence have we stopped to consider all of the above. We know children are capable and when we see them being held back either by another teacher of family, is this truly a problem? It’s really not ours to judge, it is ours to communicate and work together! It is ours to facilitate learning in both children and families.
Is it OK to take care of the need so they can be on their way to play? As one teacher puts it,
”I have to remember that as much of our job is caretaking, it’s also technically teaching and I wonder what I’m teaching, when I just reinforce that they don’t even need to try and that whining/fussing excuses them from having to practice things that don’t come easily? I think I can really forget to be in service to their growth when I rush to stop them from wailing and crying. Remember ‘The child is safe, I am safe, even though they’re distressed’.
Let’s try a phrase like, “Something about this feels hard, can you show or tell me which part seems hard” and then consider the actual process. It is OK to step back!
Toddler Problem Solving
The Boot in the Can. A toddler tossed his boot into the metal can on the playground. He laughed as he did this. He looked about smiling, he was quite pleased with himself. Soon his facial expression changed to a quizzical look. He looked into the can, tried to reach in but the boot was at the bottom, too far in for him to retrieve. He smiled, no longer laughing. He tried several times to reach the boot.
He looked around, he saw where I was sitting and got my attention. This toddler does not yet speak in full sentences. He showed me the boot in the can. I responded that I saw the boot in the can and wondered aloud how he would get the boot out noting that he was responsible for his actions. I retreated to continue observing. Soon enough he figured out tipping the can over and crawling in to get his boot which he brought over to have put on with a big smile on his face.
If I had helped retrieve the boot, what would he have learned? I am so thankful I allowed him to problem solve, be accountable and successful!
This OR That, This AND that
Let’s choose AND rather than OR!
Children can play and still be learning. It’s not play or learning!
Children can move and still be listening. It’s not, you must sit still or you won’t learn!
Children can express opinions and be listened to. It’s not you will listen to me or else (insert some consequence).
It’s not me or you, it’s me and you. We all matter!
Interruptions
Do you like being interrupted when you are busy working on something important to you? Most of us do not! I wonder why we spend so much time interrupting children and simultaneously expect “good” behavior.
We try to keep children on a schedule ignoring their internal biological needs. We stop them in their tracks because we think they must do this or that. We organize their play because we think they should be learning something other than what we see. But how do we know what they are learning. When we impose our ideas, it interrupts their flow of learning and gathering information. Just like me interrupting you, the effect is the same, we are thrown off track!
Let’s step back!
Kind vs Nice
Kind vs Nice, do you know the difference?
Listening to a pod cast had me thinking about kind vs nice. There are plenty of memes on social media that are stressing one to “be kind” and/or “chose kindness”. I had an opportunity to see more clearly kind vs nice and how they are not at all the same thing.
Being kind means setting boundaries, being respectful and in turn being respected. To me, in being kind there is a mutual regard for one other. You don’t need to agree with another person to act kindly. You can be very different from one another and still be kind.
Being nice implies that one is perhaps giving up their own position to avoid rocking the boat. Walking on egg shells so to speak so that people “like you”. One might even be classified as a bit shallow when acting from a place of being nice. Being nice actually devalues both parties.
We might try asking our teams and our children to be kind rather than telling them to “be nice”. Let’s try!
A Child Called “J”
Occasionally, something happens that reminds you of your “why” in early childhood eductaion! In January we met “J” a 3-year-old child who was in foster care. His foster family brought him to us at Friendship Garden. In just a day we fell in love. Did we recognize that this child experienced trauma in their young life? You bet we did. It is important to recognize a child’s background and at the same time to not focus, obssess or overthink it.
This child responded to taking their time to acclimate without being pushed by adults. They felt love and acceptance as evidenced by a big hug in just one day!
After only three days the child was placed in another foster home and left our care. He left a mark on all of us. We proved to ourselves that a wide-open heart of acceptance makes a difference quickly. We saw a spark in a beautiful smile.
One can only hope that our chance crossing stays on both our minds for a long time.
Toddlers and Music
A teacher started their music app and set the phone on the counter. A few seconds later, one toddler was swaying, dancing, and singing. Two more joined in they held hands. All together four toddlers without any interruption, oversight or “help” held hands and swayed to the music laughing and enjoying themselves.
This lasted through one song and just into a second song before they drifted apart. Have you ever tried to organize children for a event like this, and it doesn’t work out? Children need the time and space to come together on their own without the pressure to perform. To me this is what an inviting, child led, play based quality experience looks like.
Did you sway, sing and dance uninterrupted today?
Little Humans
How is it that we spend so much time trying to make children just like us? We think they need to know what we know. We think they should use materials we put out in some pre-determined way. Children are little humans with rights. We should not impose ourselves on them but rather respect them for their inexperience and support them.
We are trying to fit all children into a model of education that doesn’t work for most. The “sit here and learn this” model doesn’t allow for movement, exploration, creativity, and collaboration. We aspire to a model where we acknowledge that we adults do not know what skills will be needed for jobs in 15 years.
If only we could view children as co-“everything” we could sit back and enjoy what they bring to the table. We don’t need to teach them ANYTHING. We need to give them a safe place with caring adults and stand back!
A Look Back
I spent several hours cleaning out my file cabinet of “teaching” ideas. It was fun to see my own evolution through the years.
I had folder after folder of cute crafts with samples. We no longer do crafts but rather explore the open- ended process of art through different mediums.
I had folders of science ideas. We now explore what crops up seasonally in our space and add “experiments” as are relevant.
I had old posters, magazine cut outs, instruction pages, samples; it’s all obsolete to where my path of learning has taken me with the children. If I stand back and I am observant with an open mind, I am the one who is learning. Our children learn while freely exploring and expressing.
How do you learn best? Is it by following someone’s idea about what you should know or do you explore your interests?
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