I wonder why “we” are always telling children what to do!

Parents, teachers, even older siblings are telling younger children what to do and how to do it all day long. Also add in telling them what NOT to do all day long. Yikes, overkill! Additionally, we are always telling each other what to do and/or not do! 

Just because we work hard to phrase in the positive does not hide the message, it just sugar coats it. We are still telling a child what to do without including them.

Children need to be able to express themselves from birth. We must allow them to be in control. We need to relinquish control and observe the wonder of childhood. We need to be still and listen!  We need to stop talking unless we speak like we are talking to an intelligent person not an idiot. 

How will you interact with someone today? Will you listen or instruct?

This week my focus is on the use of the word “friend” in our classrooms.. It has taken over as a general term used when referring to the children. 

A few teachers decided to embrace looking at how the word is used, when it is used and if it is ever explained or used appropriately with young children.

How confused our children must be about what “friend” means. We say things like, “good morning, friend”, “I’d like my friends to clean up now”, “we don’t hit our friends”, “be kind to your friend”…..etc.  We do not explain the word “friend” or identify who we are actually talking about. I can picture little minds wondering who this “friend” is!

During our research we found the word is way overused and never explained. I know one teacher that still believes that children are her friends.  She does not want to give up “please, don’t hurt my friends”.  I wonder, are we really friends with a toddler? Is this the definition of a friend? 

Do any of us want to be told who are friends are or asked to be friends with someone that has hurt us or that we don’t like? I am suggesting that we all be kind but we don’t need to be friends!

Wouldn’t it be more appropriate to use children’s names?

I feel like I am able to share some of the knowledge I am learning through the Wonder Teacher Certification. Even though I am behind on the lessons and sometimes pop out of order to watch a training from Fairy Dust Teaching https://fairydustteaching.com/. I am trusting the process. 

Child directed learning (PLAY) is dependent on adults watching. Adults then need to add on to the learning in an unobtrusive way.

This week I watched for evidence of provocation in our classrooms and did not see much. It appears invitations are understood and materials are presented beautifully (or not). However child observation and thoughtful next steps are missing.

The time is now to support teachers, children and families in taking learning to the next level while we have this opportunity for brain building.

How can provoke you take learning to a higher level? 

I am now slightly more than half way through this series of Wonder Reflections for Wonder Teacher Certification.

While I was in the infant class I watched the teacher offer the infants 7-12 months of age a choice in which sunhat they wanted to wear to go outside. 

She held out one in each hand. Each child thoughtfully and deliberately chose a hat. I have never before offered a choice like this to an infant. I sat and watched watch each child’s process, it was so obvious to me that they were choosing.  

When following up with the teacher later, she reported that in her teacher research she has discovered that when the infants’ choose their own hat they keep in on their heads. 

I was so proud to witness the depth of teaching/learning that this educator offers. I am proud to learn from her and work side by side with her on occasion. Full of wonder at what our littles are capable of. Honored to work with an early educator that “gets it”! 

YES!!! In my position I remind teachers weekly that it is their job to meet the children “where they are”. The children are right where they are supposed to be. If a child needs to be held all day, hold him/her. He/she will not learn until that emotional need is met.  

I remind teachers that they are not preparing children for the next level by pushing them to do things that they will be learning when they get to that next stage. Be there today.  

This is also true for the teachers you work with. Remember to meet teachers “where they are at” as well. What do they need to be successful in the moment. And parents. what do they need to feel heard, supported, successful in their role. Ultimately we are all the same!

What do you need right now?

Taking life too seriously and it shows. I am too busy and forgetting to smile. Acting like everything is an emergency, forgetting to slow down and take in wonder and enjoy each day. 

I am afraid to act, speak up, and protect the honor of children. 

I see things that dishonor children yet I don’t speak up. I’d be hoarse and blue in the face! I am careful and cautious not to over step BUT WHY?!? I am an expert in the field of early childhood education. Why do we lose our voices? Why are we afraid to speak up? What are we afraid of?

Why are we afraid to fight for children’s rights to a quality early learning system with highly competent and highly compensated educators? When will we wake up?

I commit to taking one step at a time. I commit to keeping it simple and not overbearing. I commit with a smile and one to share.

What are you afraid of? How are you facing your fear?

Today has me reflecting on the passage of time. Do I always make the best use of children’s time? We cannot waste their time! They have no time to waste in childhood.  

The brain develops in the first few years of life at 1 million synapses per second. Phenomenal……….do you think we have time to waste!?!? 

Time passes so quickly, ages and stages fly by. How do we capture these moments and use them wisely?  

Do I always make the best use of my time? 

Are we making the most of our everyday? We should not wait to BE something else, thinner, fitter, smarter, etc. The time to act is now. Whatever your passion is there is no guarantee for tomorrow. Act today. Today I will love more deeply and cherish each moment. I will wonder all day. I will not waste children’s time.

Our first summer together, how many more will we have? 10 years…………we’ve done so much, come so far, like childhood, do we have time to waste? How long will our health last, our agility, our eyesight? 

I am always looking for the silver lining in situations. While I was busy complaining about something irrelevant, I saw this rainbow and my perspective shifted!

I was now ready to face the day with a positive attitude.

I will be watching for moments when I need to swift my perspective or help someone to possibly shift their perspective. 

What will you do to make it a great day? 

Why do “we” treat children differently than we would want to be treated?  I have witnessed so many instances this week of indiscretions (in my opinion).  

• Withholding milk until you eat some “good food”, why does this teacher not recognize this child is thirsty? 
• Runny noses not wiped, dirty feet not cleaned off, dirty faces not cleaned once activities have completed, the children are not yet old enough to attend to these things, what is this teacher’s perspective? 
• Comments like, “you’re OK” to a crying child, who is clearly not “OK”, what are this teachers own emotional needs, can he/she recognize and honor a child’s emotions? 
• Taking things/toys/materials away rather than teaching the children how to use them
• Moving children too quickly through things, what is the hurry?
• Interrupting what children are doing 

Why do we make excuses like, “I don’t have time”, “not right now”, with no explanation? As adults we would not want to be treated like this at all.

Think about it!

It’s your job!!! 

How do any of us get so complacent about our own well being?? I know full well that I must take care of myself in order to be there and take care of others YET………….. 

I injured myself shoveling several months ago and have finally sought physical therapy to get back to “normal”. How did I let my injured normal become my new normal? When did that happen? Why did that happen?

I have been favoring one side of my body and now need re-training to get back to “normal”. I cannot help but think about how often we get “tricked” into these norms which do not NEED to be normal at all! To avoid pain I did something new that injured me further. 

In education how often are we accepting the “way it’s always done” losing our voices and perhaps even our normal if we are being asked to act in ways that are not comfortable to us.

Do we become complacent and do things a “new” way to avoid the pain of being uncomfortable? Are we sometimes blinded by someone else’s ambition, drive or curriculum demands that we at heart do not believe?

This week I will watch for my inaction due to discomfort. How are we injuring ourselves, colleagues and the CHILDREN we work with by acting complacent when we ‘know” better. Eye opening…………… 

What is it that you “know better” than to do yet you still do it?