This OR That, This AND that
Let’s choose AND rather than OR!
Children can play and still be learning. It’s not play or learning!
Children can move and still be listening. It’s not, you must sit still or you won’t learn!
Children can express opinions and be listened to. It’s not you will listen to me or else (insert some consequence).
It’s not me or you, it’s me and you. We all matter!
Interruptions
Do you like being interrupted when you are busy working on something important to you? Most of us do not! I wonder why we spend so much time interrupting children and simultaneously expect “good” behavior.
We try to keep children on a schedule ignoring their internal biological needs. We stop them in their tracks because we think they must do this or that. We organize their play because we think they should be learning something other than what we see. But how do we know what they are learning. When we impose our ideas, it interrupts their flow of learning and gathering information. Just like me interrupting you, the effect is the same, we are thrown off track!
Let’s step back!
Kind vs Nice
Kind vs Nice, do you know the difference?
Listening to a pod cast had me thinking about kind vs nice. There are plenty of memes on social media that are stressing one to “be kind” and/or “chose kindness”. I had an opportunity to see more clearly kind vs nice and how they are not at all the same thing.
Being kind means setting boundaries, being respectful and in turn being respected. To me, in being kind there is a mutual regard for one other. You don’t need to agree with another person to act kindly. You can be very different from one another and still be kind.
Being nice implies that one is perhaps giving up their own position to avoid rocking the boat. Walking on egg shells so to speak so that people “like you”. One might even be classified as a bit shallow when acting from a place of being nice. Being nice actually devalues both parties.
We might try asking our teams and our children to be kind rather than telling them to “be nice”. Let’s try!
A Child Called “J”
Occasionally, something happens that reminds you of your “why” in early childhood eductaion! In January we met “J” a 3-year-old child who was in foster care. His foster family brought him to us at Friendship Garden. In just a day we fell in love. Did we recognize that this child experienced trauma in their young life? You bet we did. It is important to recognize a child’s background and at the same time to not focus, obssess or overthink it.
This child responded to taking their time to acclimate without being pushed by adults. They felt love and acceptance as evidenced by a big hug in just one day!
After only three days the child was placed in another foster home and left our care. He left a mark on all of us. We proved to ourselves that a wide-open heart of acceptance makes a difference quickly. We saw a spark in a beautiful smile.
One can only hope that our chance crossing stays on both our minds for a long time.
Toddlers and Music
A teacher started their music app and set the phone on the counter. A few seconds later, one toddler was swaying, dancing, and singing. Two more joined in they held hands. All together four toddlers without any interruption, oversight or “help” held hands and swayed to the music laughing and enjoying themselves.
This lasted through one song and just into a second song before they drifted apart. Have you ever tried to organize children for a event like this, and it doesn’t work out? Children need the time and space to come together on their own without the pressure to perform. To me this is what an inviting, child led, play based quality experience looks like.
Did you sway, sing and dance uninterrupted today?
Little Humans
How is it that we spend so much time trying to make children just like us? We think they need to know what we know. We think they should use materials we put out in some pre-determined way. Children are little humans with rights. We should not impose ourselves on them but rather respect them for their inexperience and support them.
We are trying to fit all children into a model of education that doesn’t work for most. The “sit here and learn this” model doesn’t allow for movement, exploration, creativity, and collaboration. We aspire to a model where we acknowledge that we adults do not know what skills will be needed for jobs in 15 years.
If only we could view children as co-“everything” we could sit back and enjoy what they bring to the table. We don’t need to teach them ANYTHING. We need to give them a safe place with caring adults and stand back!
A Look Back
I spent several hours cleaning out my file cabinet of “teaching” ideas. It was fun to see my own evolution through the years.
I had folder after folder of cute crafts with samples. We no longer do crafts but rather explore the open- ended process of art through different mediums.
I had folders of science ideas. We now explore what crops up seasonally in our space and add “experiments” as are relevant.
I had old posters, magazine cut outs, instruction pages, samples; it’s all obsolete to where my path of learning has taken me with the children. If I stand back and I am observant with an open mind, I am the one who is learning. Our children learn while freely exploring and expressing.
How do you learn best? Is it by following someone’s idea about what you should know or do you explore your interests?
Sharing or Turn Taking?
Language is so important. Let’s unpack the language of sharing vs turn taking.
Young children are learning the skills of sharing and turn taking and they need support.
First let’s clarify the terms. Sharing is when something can be divided, so that each child has some of what ever is being “shared”.
If there is only one then the terminology is to “take turns”, first one person uses it and then another.
At Friendship Garden we do not put a time limit on a child who is using something. It is never taken away. The child gets to chose when they are finished. Classmates may ask for turn by saying, “may I have a turn when you are done?”. It is important for the child to control the length of time needed with an object before they are done. If I wanted the pen you were writing with and you were not done, do you need to give it to me? Of course not, we’d find another pen or I would wait until you were done. We need to respect children in the same way.
The language we use should reflect what the action or behavior is so it is clear to the child – “taking turns” implies you will get it back this is different from “sharing”.
Climbing up the Slide
What power the children experienced.
They are building confidence and upper body strength. They are assessing risk, negotiating and managing it. These are necessary life skills, and what we want for our children.
Some of you are probably thinking, how dangerous! Remember we have been micromanaging children and not trusting them to figure things out! We want them to be confident problem solvers. We want them to know their limits and learn to manage risk.
Adults remain in proximity to the slide, monitoring, observing without interfering. The results of this exercise are fascinating. The children negotiate from the top and bottom of the slide. They talk, they move, they challenge themselves. There is no intention to hurt each other.
Some children are fearful since they have been in care with different “rules”. The freedom we witness is astounding.
Will you let the children climb the slide?
Hovering, Proximity and Risk
This week I had to physically step back and reset rather than interfere with the children at play. This is what happened.
I said to the teacher that was outside with me that I was “hovering” near a couple of children monitoring the situation. She said to me, “hovering or in proximity, I am curious what you are thinking”. This caused me to pause and reflect on my own meaning.
For me, hovering meant I was ready to “pounce” in to fix or stop something that was happening. Proximity meant I was close enough for the children to rely on me if needed. In proximity I could observe without the intention of intervening. As is turns out I did nothing as the children solved their issue on their own. I do not even know what the issue was. I do know it was not my issue to solve. It was theirs and they were empowered to solve it.
My experience is the same when allowing children to test their physical abilities, even with practice it is hard to observe and not rush in to “protect”. Children need to assess the “risk” for themselves before proceeding. This makes for good decision makers, a lifelong skill we want to instill at a young age.
I am grateful for people who want a respectful discourse and allow for our respective learning and growth. I appreciate how language is powerful and sets up a way of being.
Will you empower children solve their own “problems”?