How do you create a win-win situation with your toddler?

The young preschooler by nature is the master of battles. We have witnessed and experienced the change of season clothing battle, the “I want it the way I want it” battle and the “I don’t like it” battle for the past few weeks!  It is important to choose your battles wisely and create a win-win for you both!

Let’s look at how to create a win-win situation, since that is the preferable outcome.

When your young child is thrashing about, stomping, yelling or whining, you might want to banish them to the moon until they grow up. Not possible? Then remember this, your child is not being disrespectful but rather learning how to be a leader. He/she is learning how to voice his/her opinion and looking for your respect. The young child is learning how to navigate the world by asking why (over and over) instead of accepting your word. So let’s see, raise your hand if you want your child to blindly follow the leader! Not so much. You want your child to listen and respect, remember respect is earned.

There are several ways to make things easier for both of you and empower your child at the same time. First, create an environment of mutual respect. For the young child this means, listen to their side of reason. It might be completely unreasonable to you that suddenly your three- year-old wants to wear her party shoes to school. Stop to find out why and there may be a great explanation or story how she and her friend had a plan to have a princess dance party at school. If the rule is “shoes with ties for school” you now have a place of understanding for compromise. Remember you are not giving in, just respecting his/her opinion which is part of your win-win plan.

Second, offer choices and make sure that either choice is acceptable to you. Put out two pairs of pants that you find appropriate and then let your child choose. Your young child is just beginning to understand that he/she has an individual voice, and that it can have an impact on his/her world.

If compromise or choice is not possible, explaining helps your child learn that there is thought and reason behind what you have asked him/her to do. This goes back to raising a leader not a follower, remember perhaps your child is not being disrespectful but rather he/she is seeking an explanation to a situation that makes no sense to him/her.

Lastly, to fend off some outcry try to give clues or “warnings” that a transition is about to occur. In nursery school we have a timer or we flicker the light or we give a verbal reminder. This helps to set the children up for what is ahead.

We all want to win, child and adult alike. Cheers to setting up win-win situations!