How do big feelings present in toddlers and preschoolers and how do adults support these feelings?

Children should be allowed to express their feelings in a safe place as they learn self-control. What does this look like for a child? It might be falling down on the ground and flailing about. It might include screaming, yelling, and/or crying. Commonly called a temper tantrum! There could be an element of being physical in the form of biting, scratching, hitting, kicking or destroying property.  This is all a form of communication. We must check in with ourselves and handle our own emotions first. We must help children negotiate these feelings instead of breaking down ourselves.  

First, allowing big feelings is important, this is the way a child learns to communicate. We do not like it if someone tells us, “You are OK”, or “to get over it”, or to stop feeling a certain way. We do not want to be told to “stop it” so why should a child be able to negotiate accepting this. We must check our own feelings first and then support theirs very calmly by naming their feelings and accepting them. We are supportive in positive feelings but tend to shut down the negative emotions.

While the latter is not ideal, we still need to provide a safe place for the expression of feelings. Sometimes we must step back and let them be physical in a safe place as they negotiate these big feelings.

Reach out if you want to discuss further!