Exploring Big Feelings
How do big feelings present in toddlers and preschoolers and how do adults support these feelings?
Children should be allowed to express their feelings in a safe place as they learn self-control. What does this look like for a child? It might be falling down on the ground and flailing about. It might include screaming, yelling, and/or crying. Commonly called a temper tantrum! There could be an element of being physical in the form of biting, scratching, hitting, kicking or destroying property. This is all a form of communication. We must check in with ourselves and handle our own emotions first. We must help children negotiate these feelings instead of breaking down ourselves.
First, allowing big feelings is important, this is the way a child learns to communicate. We do not like it if someone tells us, “You are OK”, or “to get over it”, or to stop feeling a certain way. We do not want to be told to “stop it” so why should a child be able to negotiate accepting this. We must check our own feelings first and then support theirs very calmly by naming their feelings and accepting them. We are supportive in positive feelings but tend to shut down the negative emotions.
While the latter is not ideal, we still need to provide a safe place for the expression of feelings. Sometimes we must step back and let them be physical in a safe place as they negotiate these big feelings.
Reach out if you want to discuss further!
Do you have questions about child led curriculum?
This is how we “do” curriculum at FG. Our curriculum is child-led and play based meaning the children choose or show interest in topics and with our support the delivery is through play. First, we observe the children. Next, we consider the season that we are experiencing in our outdoor program. We then make a rough outline for the week. We include activities that incorporate the MA Learning Guidelines and Standards in the areas of small and gross motor skills, the arts, language and literacy, self-help and science. We add activities that we think the children will find interesting based on our observations. If they do not, we might re-introduce an idea or we might watch and choose to scrap it.
We continue to observe and introduce new elements that might extend play and learning. This looks like children playing all day with not much teacher intervention. The children make hypotheses and test theory. They explore natural and man-made sensory experiences. They are read to and read to each other. They paint and draw with many mediums. They listen to music, they play music. They explore sound with their own voices and objects or they use objects to make sound!
They eat when they are hungry. They get emotional and explore feelings both with adults and each other.
If you have any questions about our curriculum, please ask us.
Why Play?
Why do we have such a hard time accepting that play is learning for young children? Schools want to prepare children for what’s next. Play does this by allowing children to construct knowledge and learn conflict resolution and cooperation. Play is innate, automatic and hard hired. Adult imposition stops learning through play cold in its tracks. Why would we deliberately want to stop a child’s learning?
We have no way of knowing what jobs will be available in 15 years. It is best to allow children the freedom to innovate and be independent thinkers rather than force them into an outdated system of education based on the factory that no longer exists. We are trying to mass produce a child’s education by having them in lines and grading them. There is a better way through play.
Children will play, just try to stop them! I witnessed while in Yellowstone National Park at a picnic site, several children moving a large log up onto a stationary structure thus creating a seesaw. I have no way of knowing if these children were related but they found a way to play. Let them play!
When do you help a child?
To help or not to help?
When things get hard for children should we do something for them, solve their problem or do we encourage them to succeed at the task at hand? The answer seems simple but how/when do you draw the line? What questions do you ask?
We look at age, experience and ability. We check in to see what the emotions of the moment are. Additionally, note which educator is trying to help and is there a strong bond between the two?
And what about family? How do we consider their perspective? What does the family want? What are their values? Am I placing my values over theirs? Is that respectful? Perhaps I’m not thinking of their needs to keep a child the way they are which may be perfectly OK with them and contradicts my feelings. And what about other teachers? One teacher says, “I’m always torn between wanting to be present and encouraging and not wanting to be like a helicopter and just doing everything for them!!”
We are so keen to observe progress and independence have we stopped to consider all of the above. We know children are capable and when we see them being held back either by another teacher of family, is this truly a problem? It’s really not ours to judge, it is ours to communicate and work together! It is ours to facilitate learning in both children and families.
Is it OK to take care of the need so they can be on their way to play? As one teacher puts it,
”I have to remember that as much of our job is caretaking, it’s also technically teaching and I wonder what I’m teaching, when I just reinforce that they don’t even need to try and that whining/fussing excuses them from having to practice things that don’t come easily? I think I can really forget to be in service to their growth when I rush to stop them from wailing and crying. Remember ‘The child is safe, I am safe, even though they’re distressed’.
Let’s try a phrase like, “Something about this feels hard, can you show or tell me which part seems hard” and then consider the actual process. It is OK to step back!
Fall 2016 Newsletter
Welcome to Fall 2016!!
Look at our fall-2016-newsletter here!
Toddlers Bite, Now What?
Toddlers bite. Right? Calm down, this too shall pass.
Most adults see biting as super aggressive and inappropriate, still toddlers bite. We often react in a way that is actually not helpful. We get as mad and as frustrated as a toddler. We place blame on the teacher(s), the biter, the parent(s).
YET toddlers are developing language skills and they are often frustrated by the inability to communicate their wants/needs. A toddler may also be teething. We are able to communicate to talk about our frustration, here is how to help. First, remain calm.
How to help a biter (for educators).
First, we must realize that it is developmentally appropriate for a toddler to bite. As educators we need parents to know this and communicate it often. Suspend judgement and blame of child and family. Build a great relationship with the family as this is paramount to a high quality early education program.
On the spot, try to identify the problem with the child’s help, then verbalize for the child, explaining and naming the emotions involved. Help the child communicate by modeling the words you would like him/ her to use. Make sure you are calmly communicating that biting hurts. Give the child something appropriate to bite on. Always follow up with an accident/incident report.
How to help the parent of the biter. First, toddlers bite. Normal. Communicate with your child’s teacher. Be at ease with the situation. Practice the same response as your child’s educator for consistency for the child. Be on the same page as your child’s educator.
How to help the bitten child. Console and comfort, perhaps give some ice if needed. If the skin breaks, follow your center’s protocol.
How to help parent of the child that got bit.
Suspend all judgement and blaming of the toddler, the toddler’s family and teacher(s), ask the family to do the same. Build a great relationship with the early educator(s). Communicate often. A solid parent/teacher relationship is key. Parents need to trust that you are a professional and you are caring for ALL the children in your classroom. Biting is developmentally appropriate. Toddlers bite.
How to help the parent of the biter. Communicate with your child’s teacher. Be at ease with the situation. Be on the same page as your child’s educator. Be consistent in your calm but firm reaction to biting. State that biting hurts.
It’s all about forging trusting relationships with the children in your care and their families.
Change
Change.
Change is challenging. Change is hard.
I recently changed roles at work. My change of position led to a change of position for others, in a sort of domino effect and it is all good so why does it feel so “weird”? Why do we resist change?
Learning takes place at the edge of our comfort zone. We need to push ourselves to that edge. Trying new things and learning new behaviors pushes us to grow. Be patient with yourself and others, take your time to adjust to new situations.
How can you support the young child through change? Have you ever had a child in your class that is resistant to change? The child who insists on wears long pants well into the warm season or engages in the same ritual every day for weeks/months/the entire school year? Has this frustrated you? Young children need us to support them with patience, kindness, understanding and love. We need to let go of molding people into what WE desire. We need to remember that young children do not need to meet our expectations but rather we need to meet their expectations. We need to support their learning with an eye towards best practice. We need to meet children (and adults), ”where they are” in their learning process. A wise mentor once reminded me, the children that are hardest to love, need the most love.
This week practice viewing change as hard and meet the children and adults in your life with understanding and love. When looking at a situation from another perspective things are easier for all of us.
And…………….love is always the answer.
Creating a Win-Win
How do you create a win-win situation with your toddler?
The young preschooler by nature is the master of battles. We have witnessed and experienced the change of season clothing battle, the “I want it the way I want it” battle and the “I don’t like it” battle for the past few weeks! It is important to choose your battles wisely and create a win-win for you both!
Let’s look at how to create a win-win situation, since that is the preferable outcome.
When your young child is thrashing about, stomping, yelling or whining, you might want to banish them to the moon until they grow up. Not possible? Then remember this, your child is not being disrespectful but rather learning how to be a leader. He/she is learning how to voice his/her opinion and looking for your respect. The young child is learning how to navigate the world by asking why (over and over) instead of accepting your word. So let’s see, raise your hand if you want your child to blindly follow the leader! Not so much. You want your child to listen and respect, remember respect is earned.
There are several ways to make things easier for both of you and empower your child at the same time. First, create an environment of mutual respect. For the young child this means, listen to their side of reason. It might be completely unreasonable to you that suddenly your three- year-old wants to wear her party shoes to school. Stop to find out why and there may be a great explanation or story how she and her friend had a plan to have a princess dance party at school. If the rule is “shoes with ties for school” you now have a place of understanding for compromise. Remember you are not giving in, just respecting his/her opinion which is part of your win-win plan.
Second, offer choices and make sure that either choice is acceptable to you. Put out two pairs of pants that you find appropriate and then let your child choose. Your young child is just beginning to understand that he/she has an individual voice, and that it can have an impact on his/her world.
If compromise or choice is not possible, explaining helps your child learn that there is thought and reason behind what you have asked him/her to do. This goes back to raising a leader not a follower, remember perhaps your child is not being disrespectful but rather he/she is seeking an explanation to a situation that makes no sense to him/her.
Lastly, to fend off some outcry try to give clues or “warnings” that a transition is about to occur. In nursery school we have a timer or we flicker the light or we give a verbal reminder. This helps to set the children up for what is ahead.
We all want to win, child and adult alike. Cheers to setting up win-win situations!
The “talking” blog
Let’s reflect on our practice of talking to children.
Just the other day an early childhood colleague jokingly said, “you should be a commentator” as we were walking with a group of children and I was pointing out trees, birds, trucks and signs along the way. In my quest to evolve as an early educator and person, I try to listen to what people say to me at a deeper level. I recalled an article I had recently skimmed about talking to/at young children.
How much should we talk to children?
The answer is children should talk to us. Asking children too many questions can lead to a child not talking at all. Imagine being bombarded with “what are you doing?”, “what are you making”, tell me what you drew”, “could you add/change this?”, “look at this, look at that” and on and on. There would never a peaceful moment to reflect.
Children like adults need quiet to reflect and assimilate information. If we allow uninterrupted space children will come to us with what they need.
Does your classroom or life have peaceful moments where you can reflect? This week practice being quiet.
Sensory Experiences
Creativity is inventing, experimenting, growing, taking risks, breaking rules, making mistakes, and having fun.
-Mary Lou Cook
By now you’ve heard young children learn actively by using all five of their senses. Keep your young child busy by providing sensory experiences. Eliminate the word “mess” and let them explore and discover using their whole body!
At school we take of our shirts or wear smocks. We cover the floor or stay ready with the broom always keeping safety in mind. We keep the “rules” simple, try to keep the contents in the bucket/bin!
At home try the bathtub or the kitchen sink for wet sensory explorations. A small basin on the floor, with a towel on a plastic trash bag to catch spills will work as well. Baths are a great place for sensory investigation. There is so much to explore and learn with very little equipment or cleanup. Supply your child with props such as sponges, basters, colanders, strainers and pitchers.
For dry sensory investigations any shallow bin will work. Shovels, scoops, containers, tongs, and so on work for dry investigations.
Go outside for sensory experiences and exploration, get into mud, plants, rocks, sticks and so on…..
Remember it is only water, mud, paint etc. The benefits for your child will outweigh the cleanup!
Idea list for Sensory Experiences
Dry
cut straws, rice, flour, noodles (cooked or uncooked) all shapes and sizes, salt, sand,
yarn, cotton balls, dry cereal, oatmeal dried beans, soil, rocks, pompoms,
easter grass, bottle caps, fish tank rocks, rocks, shells, sponges
Wet
ice, pudding, jello, bubbles, mud, water, colored water, doughs, paints, whipped cream