Eliminate a behavior
Expectations for behavior are defined by our culture, by society and the environment in which we are in. We have different expectations for behavior in the library or church than we do for the playground. We want to guide young children to behave in a defined way as appropriate to the situation.
There are some behaviors we’d like to see in any environment such as manners (yet even the definition of manners can vary widely). What happens when we wish to eliminate a behavior?
First, ask yourself what is my child doing and why? What needs is he/she trying to meet? Then think, is this behavior unacceptable? Is it important to stop? Also consider, is the behavior age appropriate?
If yes, then reflect, can I adjust?
If you cannot adjust, focus on the behavior and its effect on others not on the child (person). “Yelling is loud and hurts my ears”. Refrain from saying “YOU are (pick one)___________ “loud”, “bad”, or “naughty”.
Make observations that you can see and or hear without making a judgement. “Wow that is loud.”
Do not wait to respond. Ten minutes after an incident is too long for a young child to process the feedback you are providing. Allow the child time to process what you are saying, this could take a few minutes.
Give information and not advice. Communicate clearly why the behavior need to stop. Allow the child to come up with solutions for themselves. The ultimate goal is self-regulation. You may offer to help by brainstorming. “Yelling is loud inside, is there another place we can yell that might not cause your friends to cover their ears?”
Lastly, be flexible and make all solutions appealing when possible. “Can we yell into the trashcan?” I would personally prefer waiting to yell until we go outside. Occasionally, I have to be flexible in accommodating an immediate solution so we yell into the trashcan!
Encourage Please!
Part two of encouragement or praise.
As a result of my professional goal (blog-Encouragement or Praise) I was asked to describe internal control for young children. One of the goals of early care is internal control. My intentions were good however my answer needed refining!
I found that three words, self-regulation, self-control and internal control are used interchangeably to describe the process of learning expected social behavior. Should we praise or encourage to get the desired results? We want all children to learn the process of internal control. How do we help young children achieve this?
The simplest way to answer that is by the environment that we set up. My colleague made a wonderful point about each individual child’s unique set of circumstances and temperament. Children need flexible adults to help acquire the skills of self-regulation.
The point is environment matters. As early childhood educators we must learn which types of phrases encourage and acknowledge. We alternately need to know which phrases are external empty praise remarks.
When we praise it needs to be specific and not far reaching or generic please refer to the list below. Doc1 for a bigger view.
•Phrases to avoid since they impose • Phrases to consider that help
outside “authority”, external control or children develop their own worth and
simply your opinion. It is best to allow not the worth you impose, which
the child to value his/her own effort, might seem impossible to measure
work or outcome. up to.
Encouragement or Praise
My professional goal for 2015 was to acknowledge the difference between encouragement and praise and then incorporate the findings into my practice. I knew that I wanted to encourage children rather than praise them.
I was looking to eliminate from my practice praise statements where I put a value on the child’s work, ideas or accomplishments. I started my research by noticing how much I said “good job” and “I like_____” as both phrases are praise as are other statements that are similar to this.
I replaced these statements with comments that at first sounded bland to me and perhaps even phony but they allow the children to internalize and decide for themselves a value on their accomplishment. I now try to use specific observation such as; “you used yellow”, “you got your boots”, “you figured it out”, “you tried hard” or encouragement such as a simple high five, thumbs up or smile works if you observe the child to be proud, happy or accomplished.
My ultimate goal is for your child to feel good from the inside out and not need strokes of empty praise from those around him/her.
Resolutions and Change
The year is half over, if you’re like many people, you start off every year with good intentions for keeping your New Year’s resolution. Now is the time for a mid-year check in. How are you doing? Here is a list to help you get or stay on track.
Renew Your Commitment – Review the reasons you made your resolution(s) in the first place. Are they still relevant to your life?
Be Realistic –Is your goal something you can realistically accomplish in the amount of time you set.
Set Small Goals – Break your goal down into realistic small parts, be specific about what you want to accomplish, set milestones.
Talk About your Goal – Don’t keep it a secret. Involve your friends, your family and your pet. They can be a support. Find someone who is working on the same thing and do it together. Meet at the gym, share healthy recipes or join a book club. You’ll motivate each other and a little friendly competition may be just what you need to stay on track.
Expect Setbacks – Accept the fact that you are not going to be perfect every day and don’t beat yourself up for a minor setback. Recognize your success, reward yourself appropriately and, if you do fall down, get right back to it the next day.
What, you ask does any of this have to do with young children? The answer is twofold. One, I made a commitment to enhance my teaching skills, to learn something new and to bring it into my practice. It was time to review my progress. Two, these same skills apply to working with the young child!! I follow each of these steps in my classroom with teamwork and intention towards a common goal! It is a joyous, workable, pleasurable learning environment. Isn’t that what we are all striving for?
Boys Need to Move a Lot, Why?
I recently returned full time to the classroom with our recent move to Alaska. I have a class of 6 boy’s ages 2.0-2.5 years. This fact has caused me to look more closely at the early development of boys!
Boys need to move a lot, why? The boy brain and the girl brain develop in a different sequence. A boys’ interest in these big body actions is driven by brain development. One of the differences that drives this need to move is the development of the cerebellum. The cerebellum is located at the base of the brain. The cerebellum is responsible for big body (gross motor) movements, balance, and posture. During the first few years of life, the cerebellum in both boys and girls develops rapidly. In girls, the brain tends to begin developing language and fine-motor centers sooner than for boys. In a boy’s brain, the cerebellum develops for a much longer period of time than it does in a girl’s brain. Hence, boys’ interest in movement and their need to move – a lot! How do we manage this in the classroom?
First, I provide many opportunities for “big” movements. Indoors, moving chairs, boxes, baskets and objects heavy enough to engage the muscles. Provide materials and assistance for sweeping, mopping, dusting and moving laundry from the washer to dryer.
Outside moving buckets of sand, large blocks or boxes along with the usual activities of throwing, running, jumping, and riding.
Next I provide creative outlets that allow the use of the whole body. Sitting is difficult for boys. Allow boys to stand for a full range of motion. A fun alternative to standing is having the children lie on their backs and draw under the table (on paper of course). Sitting for snacks/meals/stories becomes easier if boys have experienced big movement.
I have always enjoyed the energy of young boys, and now I have a better understanding of how their brain develops.
Positive Environments, “yes” spoken here!
What does a positive learning environment/home look like?
There are several things I have learned and continue to learn that create a positive rewarding environment in which to live and grow. The following ideas can be used in all work and/or play environments.
One. Treat all children equally. Treat all parents equally, treat all colleagues equally! Playing favorites contributes to an environment of negativity. Eliminate inequities.
Two. Setup the environment/daily home with different things for the children to do, make sure there are clear expectations for behavior, list how many children in each area (for child care centers), and what happens with the materials. The environment should act as a teacher. Put out different things for young children to find/discover. An example of this working well is the library. We tell our children to use quiet voices in the library, the library has engaging books and materials set up for hands on use. Children behave in the library exactly the way they have been asked to by the adult and the environment setup.
Three. Phrase everything that you can in the positive, this is hard at first, but you’ll catch on. A “YES” environment is so much calmer and fun and builds a young child’s self-esteem. As an adult you will feel less stress and more happiness. A “NO” environment limits a child’s ability to build self-esteem and self-regulation. A “NO” environment reduces us all to “I’m not good enough” or to seek pleasing behaviors.
Examples are; when running, state, “we walk inside”, when playing in our chair, we state, “we sit in our chair during dinner”, When the child melts down, we state, “I see you are having trouble, how can I help? This is how we can “use gentle hands”, all positive statements when really you want to yell…..STOP running, NO hitting, etc. No, no, no, no and we stop listening! 
Try to restate the “rule” “We walk inside” and then “I need you to walk inside, we may run outside.” Lastly if necessary give a choice, “we may walk inside or you may hold my hand” or some other option that you find acceptable. The goal is for young children to internalize behavior by making sure the environment is all about what they CAN do.
Four. Use observational/describing remarks to help the young child describe his/her feelings like, “you sound angry”, “you look sad”, “that was a loud yell” acknowledge the feelings and help children manage them by adding; “when you are ready, I will help you”. Limit asking questions. Too many questions can overwhelm the younger child, they really don’t know why they have misbehaved or had a temper tantrum, no need to ask.
Five. Help children to internalize their own self-worth by praising LESS. Encourage young children by acknowledging what has been done by stating what they have done. “You made a red line”, “you asked for help”, “I see you put your mittens on”. The goal is for children to feel internally proud of their accomplishments not for you to impose pride. If you say “good job” or “I like it” the child gets no intrinsic value.
Six. Stay calm. If you lose control of your emotions, the kiddos will get the upper hand, and FEED off of this negative energy resulting in chaos and negativity. Practice deep breathing or put on soothing music.
Seven. Check your expectations for behavior for given age, perhaps they are too high or too low! Remember children mature at different rates so not all behaviors should be expected at the same age for all children.
Teaching styles and temperaments
Do different teaching styles and temperaments help develop a well-rounded child?
Children will encounter many different types of personalities and temperaments in their educators. The skills they develop from each will make them stronger more resilient adults. We have all developed certain traits based on how an educator impacted us, some negative and some positive.
I have observed over the years that it is not necessary to be huggy and cuddly to be an excellent early childhood educator. What does this mean, don’t we want our young children to be surrounded by baby talking, cooing people? This is not a necessity to being a good educator. Being kind and fair is. Children must adapt to the teaching style, just like in life. There is not a one size fits all profile for the early educator. The key to success is good relationship between the family and the provider, in other words, “a good fit”.
Ask yourself, are the needs of the children being met beyond custodial care? Is there a loving trusting relationship bond between the educator and the family and the child? If there is it is a good sign that educator is a good caregiver.
I work with educators from age 18-60. We are not all the same in our approach and style. Some of us have more physical energy and flexibility, some of us see more humor in situations, some of us are cuddly, and some of us are reserved. ALL of us care deeply about your children and we meet the basic tenants of caring and committed professionals.
Friendship
Friendship
What lessons about friendship can we learn from a preschool child?
I had opportunity lately to reflect on friendships when I moved from being in close proximity to some of my friends. I’ve seen friendships develop in preschool and continue into adulthood. I have friendships of my own that started in grade school. I’ve also known people who were “my friends” and are no longer.
Everything I know about friends I learned as a preschool teacher. Young children are my window into friendships simplified.
- Friendships are based on common interests. If you don’t like the same thing you are not friends.
- Conversely, opposites can attract and a balanced friendship can bloom.
- You can be friends one minute and enemies the next and friends again just like that. True friends let this happen and don’t judge why.
- Best friends eliminate drama, because they really want to keep playing together.
- Forever friends are the friends you don’t see for a while and when you do see each other again, you scream, hug and pick up where you left off without skipping a beat. I’ve seen this in young children who are separated for a week due to illness or family vacation. The reunions are joyous.
- Friends ask you to play even if you don’t ask them. Sometimes they just silently join you.
- Friends like your stuff, even if you don’t.
- They support you in doing something silly, adventurous or off beat but advise you not to do something dangerous.
- Friends never covet your stuff, they share yours and theirs.
- Good friends are happy for your happiness, even if they don’t understand why you are happy! They are happy because you are happy.
- Friends allow other people to be a part of your friendship.
- They give you non-monetary gifts whenever you are together.
Happy Valentine’s Day! Go spend time with a friend.
Is it time yet?
You will notice a shift in this blog. I am on sabbatical for a while and travelling to Alaska from Cape Cod, Massachusetts. My intention is to relate my new Alaskan experiences to my life as an early childhood educator.
How does a child relate to time?
Day one has been a travel day. This is a new experience in distant and time. I have lost all sense of time traveling through time zones, sleep deprived. Young children have no concept of time. Yesterday, today and tomorrow have no meaning for young children other than it is not “right now”. It is common for many parents of preschoolers to withhold any travel, birthday or special event information from their children. Often information spilled too soon for the young child can cause stress for all parties involved! When no sense of time is involved, the nagging of, ”is it time” and “are we there yet” and at this time of year, waiting for Santa can be an exercise in frustration for parents.
Which leads me to the practice of preparing your young child for a known upcoming change. Can you prepare and reassure your child ahead of time? I will answer this by stating that I have known about this trip for several months and yet I am a bundle of nerves about the unknown. Am I prepared, yes, have I been reassured, yes, am I excited, yes, do I still have fears, a resounding, yes! I am an adult I can do my own research, dig into my knowledge of change, and manage my stress after years of practice. I have empathy for the young child whose life is full of the unknown with no sense of time.
Some children handle change with what looks to be ease. We all have different constitutions and capacities for processing what is happening. Involve young children in any preparations that are age appropriate at the time when you think your child can handle the news. For some children more lead time will help, with others it will not help. Remember you know best how your child will react.
Writing center
What are the benefits of a preschool writing center?
In preschool. developing the small muscles of the hand is equally important to gross motor movement. Muscles can be built by squeezing, rolling, patting, pounding, clipping, taping, stamping, and painting. Many of these small motor skills can be strengthened using play dough, clay, or any type of homemade dough such as sand dough or salt dough. Drawing or painting on a vertical surface is another great way to develop the fine motor control necessary for writing. Young children love stickers. Peeling stickers and putting them on a graph or grid will help increase small motor skills. Provide your young child with old magazines for ripping and/or cutting both are fun strengthening activities.
Building strength in the small muscles will help your child with the fine motor tacks of drawing and writing. Now is a time of exploration. How many pieces of paper come home to your house with markings one might call “scribbles”? Take a closer look at those pages; this is beginning writing and a labor of learning writing skills. Provide appropriate materials and surfaces for writing. Chalk, crayons, pencils, colored pencils, oil pastels and watercolors are a few choices for writing/drawing. Experiment with different writing surfaces and varied papers. In our writing center the children like to use envelopes. Provide different items at different times, not everything has to be out at once.
Clipboards and writing materials are found in the other learning centers of the classroom as well. In dramatic play the doctor will need to write notes, the waiter, take an order or the shopper write a list of groceries.
In the block area children should have the ability to draw a plan or map or a diagram what they have built so they can replicate it the next day.
The math and science areas are prime areas for children drawing their observations.
During project time in preschool the teacher might take dictation for a story or a drawing that a child is working on. Our Pre-k the class draws and dictates for their first grade pen pals from out of town, once every other month they receive letters and return replies. This is a fun way to get young children interested in drawing and writing.
How many activities can you think of that add small motor skills to your day?