To help or not to help? 

When things get hard for children should we do something for them, solve their problem or do we encourage them to succeed at the task at hand? The answer seems simple but how/when do you draw the line? What questions do you ask? 

We look at age, experience and ability. We check in to see what the emotions of the moment are. Additionally, note which educator is trying to help and is there a strong bond between the two? 

And what about family? How do we consider their perspective? What does the family want? What are their values? Am I placing my values over theirs? Is that respectful? Perhaps I’m not thinking of their needs to keep a child the way they are which may be perfectly OK with them and contradicts my feelings. And what about other teachers? One teacher says, “I’m always torn between wanting to be present and encouraging and not wanting to be like a helicopter and just doing everything for them!!” 

We are so keen to observe progress and independence have we stopped to consider all of the above.  We know children are capable and when we see them being held back either by another teacher of family, is this truly a problem? It’s really not ours to judge, it is ours to communicate and work together! It is ours to facilitate learning in both children and families. 

Is it OK to take care of the need so they can be on their way to play? As one teacher puts it,  
”I have to remember that as much of our job is caretaking, it’s also technically teaching and I wonder what I’m teaching, when I just reinforce that they don’t even need to try and that whining/fussing excuses them from having to practice things that don’t come easily? I think I can really forget to be in service to their growth when I rush to stop them from wailing and crying. Remember ‘The child is safe, I am safe, even though they’re distressed’. 

Let’s try a phrase like, “Something about this feels hard, can you show or tell me which part seems hard” and then consider the actual process. It is OK to step back!